Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
