Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
