addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
