why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
