Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
