I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
