here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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