I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
