I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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