do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
