please come you make the beer taste better
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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