Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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