His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
