Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
