im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
