I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
