um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
