Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
