Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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