I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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