I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
