Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
