I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
