just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
