We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
