The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
