I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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