If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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