When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
