I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
