I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
