She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
