Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
