Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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