Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
