i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
