Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
