Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
