I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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