the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
