just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
