everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
