but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
