No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
