Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
