Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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