You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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