Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
