Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
NoShamevember. You game?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
