PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
