While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
