I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
