he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
