It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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