Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
