Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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